Burnout, Belonging, and the Need for Community

When we think about burnout, we often think about working too much, not sleeping enough, or simply having too much on our plates. But for many neurodivergent people, burnout has layers that are much harder to see.

Masking takes energy. Sensory overload takes energy. Monitoring how we’re being perceived takes energy. People pleasing, managing other people’s emotions, navigating executive functioning challenges, and living in a state of chronic hypervigilance all take energy.

Sometimes burnout isn’t simply the result of doing too much. It’s the result of spending too much of our lives trying to function in environments that require us to be someone we’re not.

Because much of this labor is invisible, we may not recognize how depleted we’ve become until our nervous systems begin telling us that something has to change.

Neurodivergent burnout can show up as more than exhaustion. We may withdraw from people, struggle to initiate tasks that were once manageable, become increasingly sensitive to noise or stimulation, lose access to creativity, feel emotionally overwhelmed, or simply need much more time alone to recover.

Rest matters. Boundaries matter. Understanding our sensory and access needs matters. But there’s another part of burnout recovery that I don’t think we talk about enough: belonging.

Burnout Can Be Lonely

Many neurodivergent adults have spent years, sometimes decades, feeling as though they are failing at things that seem to come naturally to everyone else.

Why does this take so much energy? Why am I overwhelmed by things other people barely seem to notice? Why can’t I just make myself do it? Why do I need so much time to recover?

Being around other neurodivergent people can begin to change the way we understand these experiences. There is something powerful about hearing another person describe something you’ve privately carried for years and realizing, Oh. It’s not just me.

Sometimes what we need isn’t another strategy for becoming more productive or another person telling us how to improve ourselves. Sometimes we need somewhere we can show up without having to explain ourselves quite so much.

We need community.

There Can Be Grief in Finally Understanding Ourselves

For those of us who identify or receive a diagnosis later in life, there can also be an enormous amount of grief.

Once we begin to understand ourselves through a neurodivergent lens, we may look back at our lives very differently. Experiences that once seemed confusing suddenly make sense. We may recognize how much energy we spent masking, trying to fit in, or believing that if we just tried harder, we could somehow become the person everyone seemed to expect us to be.

And with that understanding can come grief for lost time. We may wonder what our lives could have looked like if we'd understood ourselves sooner, had access to appropriate support, or hadn't spent so many years believing the messages we received about who we were supposed to be.

There can also be guilt and shame to unpack. Many of us have internalized messages from society, family, friends, teachers, employers, and even well-meaning people who didn't understand our neurotype. Ableism is alive and well, and sometimes recognizing it means reconsidering stories about ourselves that we've carried for a very long time.

Unmasking isn't simply about deciding to "be yourself." It can be a complicated process of figuring out who you are underneath years of adaptation, what you actually need, what you want to keep private, and where it feels safe to be more fully known.

Those are conversations we need places to have.

Creating Space for Connection

One of the things I want to create through the Center for Soulful Presence is more opportunity for genuine neurodivergent community.

Not another place where we have to perform wellness. Not another environment where we have to mask in order to belong. And not a place where everyone is expected to fix one another.

That is the intention behind the FlowState Support Circle.

The FlowState Support Circle is an online community for neurodivergent adults looking for connection, conversation, support, and a place to be understood. We’ll meet every other Wednesday evening from 7:30 to 9:00 p.m. Eastern, approximately twice each month.

We can talk about burnout and unmasking. We can talk about grief, guilt, and shame. We can talk about relationships, boundaries, executive functioning, sensory overwhelm, nervous system regulation, identity, creativity, and the places where we feel stuck. We can also explore practical solutions for navigating our lives, including how to advocate for our needs and how to discern when, where, and with whom we want to disclose a diagnosis or share our neurodivergent identity.

This isn't about fixing one another. It's about having a place where we can talk honestly about our experiences, learn from one another, and recognize that many of the things we've struggled with privately are shared experiences.

The group is offered as a monthly subscription, so there is no long-term commitment. You can participate for as long as it feels supportive and useful to you.

We are currently welcoming new members and hope to begin meeting soon.

We Were Never Meant to Do Everything Alone

For neurodivergent adults, finding people with whom we don't have to translate ourselves quite so much can be deeply meaningful.

The FlowState Support Circle is one small way I hope to help create that kind of community through the Center for Soulful Presence.

If you've been feeling burned out, disconnected, overwhelmed, grieving what might have been, trying to understand yourself after a later identification or diagnosis, or simply hungry for meaningful connection with other neurodivergent people, you're invited to join us.

FlowState Support CircleEvery other Wednesday7:30–9:00 p.m. EasternOnline | Two gatherings per month

We are currently accepting new members and will begin as soon as we have enough people to create our first circle. You can learn more and subscribe at www.thecenterforsoulfulpresence.com.

You can also listen to my episode “The Hidden Layers of Burnout” on The Neurodivergent Empath Ninja Podcast on Spotify for a deeper exploration of the less obvious contributors to neurodivergent burnout.

Sometimes recovery requires rest. Sometimes it requires boundaries. Sometimes it requires grieving what we didn't know.

And sometimes, we simply need other people who understand.